Fear is...

Feb. 13th, 2008 10:42 pm
curiously_cora: (Coraline-writing)
Fear is waking in the middle of the night. Kreeeee......aaaaak. A noise that wakes and haunts you. The sound of something scrabbling, like nails, across the floorboards outside your door. Burying your face under the covers, pretending it’s not there and pretending you’re not scared. The handle turns slowly, eerily, you wiggle further under the covers. Hands tightly gripping a stuffed animal for comfort, as you try to not imagine where it might be now. Eyes squeezed tight, you don’t look as the covers are drawn back. A soft and wet kiss of lips upon the forehead makes you look. You see button eyes on a cruel face.

Fear is being brave even when you’re scared. Like her father. Running up a hill and not daring to look back, his voice calling out to you- telling you to keep running. Sharp stabbing pain. Something hurts you on the back of the arm but you keep running. The air is alive with wasps, your father getting hurt for you as he keeps yelling for you to run. And you’re scared that you caused the pain and hurt, scared that you would run again. He goes back the next day. You’re not that brave.

Fear is being left alone. Silent tears running down your face as you brush your teeth. Heart wrenching sobs as you crawl into bed, alone. No one to tuck you into bed and kiss you goodnight, no one to check in on you or chase the nightmares away and no one to make it all better. Crying helps, crying makes you stronger, braver and more determined. Crying is comforting when you’re alone in the dark with only the ghosts of the past to keep you company. You know what you have to do.

Fear is being in that place again. That horrible mist surrounding you, until you can’t breathe or exist but you too are simply mist. Something that she cannot grasp or understand; like love or family or friendship. Her hands are on you and she is pushing you into the mirror and you’re scared you will never see your family again and you will be in the dark forever. Her love, her forgiveness comes at a cost and you don’t want to pay it but you don’t want to go back. You will defeat her, even if it means going into the dark again.

Fear is wondering if you did the right thing. Triumph comes at a price and you thought you were able to pay it but your mind second guesses you. Locking the door was simply not enough, you know that but you are unsure if your actions were necessary. The well was so deep, so dark- she is dead. You know that but was it justified?

Fear is living with the fact she might come back.

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Coraline Jones

April 2015

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